There are numerous reasons why a man might create distance in a relationship. Knowing how to respond when he pulls away can be challenging, as often it has little to do with you. Nevertheless, engaging in some self-reflection is always valuable—read on to see if any of the following resonates with your experience.
While seeking the right partner or striving to enrich an existing relationship, you might sometimes feel like you’re fighting an uphill battle, with many factors seeming beyond your control. It’s not always an easy position to be in.
In reality, these periods can be quite discouraging.
Paradoxically, the harder you chase the love and relationship you desire, the more likely you are to engage in behaviors that inadvertently drive your partner away.
You might find yourself going to great lengths to please your partner—becoming more available, more captivating, more generous, more adaptable, more compassionate, and essentially molding yourself into what you think they want you to be.
The Pitfall of “Over-Functioning”
This pattern is what I call “Over-Functioning,” a common trait linked to co-dependency.
If you’re interested in discovering the ways you might be over-functioning in love, consider taking the Love Personality Quiz.
The underlying hope with over-functioning is that our partner will recognize their mistakes and think, “I’ve been foolish; I need to do better and give her the love she truly deserves.”
However, instead of drawing your partner nearer, over-functioning can come across as pressure and neediness. They may perceive it as an attempt to persuade or control them. In their eyes, you shift from the intriguing, captivating woman they were initially attracted to, into someone who is demanding something from them.
At your core, you seek validation and appreciation. You deeply long to feel completely secure, knowing without a doubt that your partner has no intention of leaving. You want to be certain that they see you as the most remarkable woman they’ve ever encountered.
This profound yearning can lead us into over-functioning and foster an unhealthy relationship dynamic.
Each time we shift from simply BEING ourselves to actively DOING things to win a man’s attention, we unintentionally build a wall that hinders him from growing closer.
When we switch into ‘doing’ mode, we inadvertently strip our partner of their motivation to ‘do’ things for us.
The more you strive to obtain something from your partner—whether it’s attention, romance, intimacy, affection, dedication, commitment, or, most importantly, their heart—the less inclined they will be to offer it.
How to Respond When He Creates Distance
Consider this scenario:
You’ve invested tremendous effort into planning a surprise weekend getaway for your partner, pouring your heart into creating a special experience. But as the trip approaches, you start dropping hints like, “I hope you appreciate all the work I’ve put into this.” What began as a pure gesture of love starts to feel conditional, as if you expect something in return.
As a result, your partner, who was initially excited about the trip, begins to feel the burden of these expectations. They sense that the getaway wasn’t solely an act of generosity but rather a strategic move. They may feel manipulated or as though they’ve let you down somehow.
Your underlying dissatisfaction will become apparent to them, and they won’t feel truly valued by you.
Understand that for many men, showing love involves ‘doing’ things for their partner. When you actively ‘do’ in order to extract something from them, you’re essentially usurping their role. They no longer feel needed!
A man generally wants to be the one taking initiative. When he moves toward you, it fosters a sense of safety and security for both parties, creating a mutually beneficial dynamic.
Therefore, if you truly wish to experience the love you deserve, it’s crucial to reduce your ‘doing’ and embrace ‘being.’
One effective approach is to connect with your feminine energy, which facilitates the shift from ‘doing’ to ‘being.’
In the Confidence in Love program, we explore in depth what feminine energy entails and how to access it from a place of empowerment. This leads to you feeling more loved and secure.
Before I learned to harness my feminine energy to feel more loved by doing less, I was culpable of all the needy behaviors mentioned above. I used to accept mere scraps of affection and labor incessantly for them. Once I made the transition from ‘doing’ to ‘being,’ everything transformed.
And I want that same transformation for you! You truly deserve to experience the love you long for.
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