Have you ever considered that certain thought patterns might be limiting your dating success? We often find ourselves thinking, “Once I achieve this specific thing, then I’ll take that action, and finally I’ll experience happiness!” It’s as if we’re perpetually waiting for external circumstances to align before permitting ourselves to experience the joy and fulfillment we genuinely desire.
This approach is commonly known as the Have – Do – Be mindset, which traps us in a continuous cycle of postponement. This waiting game can feel interminable—there will always be another prerequisite we believe we need before truly living fully.
Is This Pattern Limiting Your Dating Life?
In dating contexts, this manifests as postponing desired experiences until we’re in a relationship. Perhaps you’ve considered taking a cooking class but believe it would be more enjoyable as a couple. Maybe you’ve discovered an appealing hiking trail or camping spot but would prefer experiencing it with a partner. Or possibly you’ve wanted to try that new restaurant but decided to wait until you have a boyfriend to accompany you.
This mindset restricts us when we believe we must “have” a relationship before we can “do” activities that would bring us fulfillment.
But what if you approached your love life from a “Be – Do – Have” perspective instead?
This Empowers You to Take Control of Your Happiness
This shift reminds you that you possess the ability to create your own reality. What if you began allowing yourself to experience your desired emotions NOW? Start with the “Be” component. Embody the qualities and emotional states associated with your aspirations, rather than waiting for a relationship to transform your inner world.
What if you focused on loving, cherishing, and supporting yourself while prioritizing personal time?
Your Personal Transformation Challenge
This month, consciously notice everything aligning with your desires. Commit to doing one activity weekly that makes you feel fantastic or that you’ve been postponing.
Next, track your activities on a calendar. I encourage clients to use heart stickers for social dates and enjoyable experiences, and star stickers for self-care activities that generate positive feelings. See suggestions below.
By month’s end, you’ll clearly see how you actively shifted your energy, mood, and emotional state to feel better. You’ll appreciate how rewarding it feels to stop delaying experiences until you “have” that elusive relationship. Visually observing your calendar filled with stickers provides tangible evidence that positive developments are occurring in your life.
Heart Sticker Opportunities (Social/Connection):
- Visit your favorite restaurant, sit at the bar, and enjoy a cocktail or mocktail
- Take yourself on a thoughtful date
- Meet friends for happy hour
- Attend social events where you might encounter potential partners
- When someone engages you in conversation (even brief interactions in public spaces)
Star Sticker Opportunities (Self-Care):
- Dedicate time to reading or watching a film
- Enjoy a relaxing bubble bath
- Treat yourself to manicure or pedicure (professional or DIY)
- Practice self-care with luxurious body lotions or oils
- Indulge in facial treatment (spa or at-home)
- Spend quality time in nature
Related posts:
How Trauma Affects Relationships
Are you holding on to an unhealthy relationship?
3 Tips For A Happier Relationship
What we can learn from celebrity breakups
How to Handle Being Ghosted
7 Ways to Show Your Man You Love Him – He Just Wants To Be Loved
The Dating Mindset Shift That Can Radically Transform Your Love Life
Why We Hold Onto Relationships That Hurt
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